1. Think of some
famous writers of classic books, such as Oscar Wilde, George Bernard
Shaw or Mark Twain. Adopt their formal method of writing. After all,
if people enjoyed the style in the late 1800s, they will surely love
it today. And surely good creative writing makes for effective business
2. Use really
impressive words your readers will have to look up in a dictionary.
This step will force them to become more knowledgeable, and they will
3. When your boss
gives you a writing assignment, think back to school when the teacher
asked you to write essays with a specific word count. Remember the
great mark you got for handing in 1,000 words. Don't worry about "quality;"
give your boss "quantity." He'll be impressed with the time
you spent on the project. He won't mind that other work didn't get
4. Write lengthy
sentences. People are in too much of a hurry nowadays. If you write
long, convoluted sentences, your writers will have to slow down and
spend time trying to interpret your thoughts. They'll praise you for
reducing their stress levels.
5. Long paragraphs
are good - the longer, the better. White space will just bother readers'
eyes and detract from all the words.
6. Don't waste
paper. Squeeze as much print onto the page as you can and reduce the
margins. Think of all the money you will save by not using a second
7. Choose a small
type font. Older people enjoy "playing the trombone" when
they read. It's great exercise, and they might even gloss over some
of the points you would prefer they not pay too much attention to.
8. Write about
what you know, find interesting, or have a lot of facts on. Who knows?
The reader may find some of the information interesting and relevant
9. Good customer
service is something for face-to-face meetings or the phone. Don't
worry about it when writing letters. The customer will know you really
aren't that unfriendly or patronizing.
10. Don't bother
proofreading your documents - just run a spell check. If the spell
checker allows the wrong words to be used, it's not your fault. Just
tell your boss you were checking to see if he really reads your correspondence.
Follow these guidelines
and I guarantee your manager will never again ask you to prepare any
documents. Neither will the boss at your next company.