All too often, our verbal skills distort our images as capable, knowledgeable
professionals. We hem and haw, trying to find the right word, We may
even discount ourselves and our ideas without realizing it, or we
might unknowingly offend others with our language. All of these verbal
faults are Power Robbers. These shortcomings detract from our
confidence, authority, professionalism and power.
Fight Back
We are not powerless against the Power Robbers. We can reduce their
effect on our speaking habits in three ways:
- By identifying
our own tendencies
- By correcting
the behavior
- By practicing
to permanently replace the bad habit with a good one
Practice does not make perfect; practice makes permanent. Perfect
practice makes permanent.
Tag questions can be power robbers. These questions at the end of
a sentence that give the impression you are unsure of what you just
said, or are looking for approval. "I think the proposal is good,
don't you? The "don't you" gives the sentence a weak
ending. If your aim is to stimulate conversation or encourage feedback,
ask an independent question. "I think the proposal is good. What
are your impressions? This allows you to say what you think or
how you feel and encourage a response without devaluing your original
statement.
Hedges and qualifiers are also common power robbers. These are fillers
we use when we are uncertain about what we have to say or are uncomfortable
with silence. The wells, ums, ahs, likes,
and you knows, that have no place in the sentence and become
distracting and annoying if they are abundant. Think about what you
really want to say and how you are going to say it before you start
to speak.
Using Powerful Words
Two of the most powerful words in the English language are you
and I. You is most effective when influencing, persuading
or selling to someone. The focus should be on the person we are speaking
to. Most of our statements in business should be you based. "You're
going to love this new copy machine. Imagine all the benefits to you
and your company. The word I is best used in a conflict
situation. In conflicts, we often begin by accusing and attacking
the other person. You were wrong. You made a mistake.
You made me look bad. The other person, upon hearing this tirade
of You, begins to withdraw or become defensive. Either way
the communication has stopped. A more effective way to approach conflict
is to use the word I. "I feel that there was a
mistake made. I was embarrassed and felt we could have been
better prepared." Nothing in that statement is directly accusing
yet you are still getting your point across and chances are the other
person won't feel defensive.
The idea behind understanding which words send which messages is to
make conscious decisions about the words we choose to use. Instead
of saying things out of habit, be aware of what you say and create
new more effective habits when you speak. Aristotle said, "We
are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit."
Make sure your habits are good ones.
Article copyright©
Brody Communications Ltd. 1999